When the Encourager Needs Encouragement

“Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11

As I stood by my baby’s changing table in the wee hours of the morning, I found myself thinking about life. And instantaneously an overwhelming sense of longing overtook my thoughts. That longing was replaced with feelings of discouragement. I am Tired. I am burned out. Why do I have to be strong? Why do I have to be the one who encourages everyone else? I get weary too. When will someone encourage me?

As I stood there watching my thoughts quickly spiral down the enemy’s trajectory. I knew if I continued down this selfish path, things were going to escalate very quickly. But my desires were screaming louder than my mind could turn my thoughts to God.

Is it too much to ask? Why can’t they call just to ask me how I am doing? Why can’t my husband see that I need him? That I longed for him to just hold my hands and pray with me without my initiation? He used to before we got married but something changed. What happened? Did we allow the cares of life to distract us so much that we stopped seeing when the other needs to be lifted up? Those questions I replayed over and over in my head and each time the answer remained the same. When will it be my turn to be encouraged?

But as I wallowed in my self-pity and self-centeredness, God gently spoke to my heart through His written word:

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Isaiah 43:2

I realized in that moment that I was allowing the devil to distract me from what God had called me to do. I noticed I was once again taking my eyes off God and allowing myself to be the focus of attention. And I just began to cry out to God. I beseeched Him to strengthen me. I needed His help. I needed my husband to be my tower of strength AGAIN. I still needed him to hold my hands and to tell me “you got this” “you can do it.” But during my supplication, God spoke to me gently and lovingly again, you still don’t understand. You are still looking in the wrong direction.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-11

But to be honest I couldn’t delight in my weaknesses. As a matter of fact, I didn’t want to. In that moment I just needed my husband. I needed his hand to hold mine. I needed his love, touch and encouragement. But again, the Holy Spirit reminded me:

“It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man.” Psalm 118:8.

And I just broke down. I heard you Lord. I heard you Lord. And after sobbing for what felt like forever, I was finally able to see God’s purpose as He intended it. This mission is not about me it is about Him. It is about glorifying His name. It is about bringing others to Him. And it is about building up the family of God.

So instead of looking at what I perceive was a case of missing my friends, my husband, or even my family, I turned my eyes and my heart towards God. I asked Him to open my mind to a new way of thinking; To open my eyes to a new way of seeing my wants; To help me to see how I have contributed to the lives of others; To see how my strength has made my marriage better. I must tell you it was a lot easier to focus on my needs rather than how God was using me to bless others. In fact, as I look back I realize the needs of others, to be encouraged by me, have multiplied the more I longed for my own encouragement. 

So you see, self-centeredness and discouragement have no place in the believer’s life. It is just a tool the enemy uses to get inside our heads and defeat us in every area of our lives where we lose hope. But we all have a choice to either take the path of encouragement and hope or discouragement and despair.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

By the time I had finished praying, I could slowly feel the burden lifting and shortly thereafter, my husband walked into our bedroom with the boys and in that moment my world was once again cheerful. And as the laughter and playfulness echoed across the room, my spirit was lifted. But, I realized that to remain in this state of mind I would have to surrender my thoughts, wants and needs daily to God. I have to talk to Him first about what’s going on and how I am feeling. I know He can handle hearing my disappointments, hurt, anger, and frustrations. He can do the same for you.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6