Nobody Told Me You Were Going To Die

When I lost my mother at a very young age, I also lost my childhood. But losing my dad shaped my life, my perception, and my thinking to a greater degree. I sometimes find myself thinking about what my children’s life would be like if something were to happen to me. I wrestle with these thoughts more often than I would like to admit. But each time I get too weak to shake the fear, God always reminds me “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

But I wish I could tell you that everything returns to normalcy each time I am reminded of the word of God. Don’t get me wrong; I am comforted by His word and have complete peace in His promises, but I would be lying if I say I don’t still miss them greatly and wish my children had their grandparents. I miss my parents every day and more often than I would like to admit, I find myself asking God why me? Why take both my parents?

Nevertheless, I am thankful, He does not give me more than I can bear. I am thankful He does not give me a spirit of fear. I take confidence in knowing that this pain is temporary and because my parents lived a life pleasing to God, I will one day see them again.

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4

Nobody told me you were going to die

My dad came and got me, leaving you behind

He took me to his house and left me all alone

I sat staring out the window day after day

Wishing I could come back home.

My brother came by and told me you had died

Then he left after saying goodbye

I sat steering out the window because I couldn’t verbalize what I was feeling inside

But my heart was breaking and the pain stung deep inside.

I wish I could see you one more time

I wish I could hear your voice calling me one last time

Why didn’t someone tell me you were about to die?

At least, then, I could have said goodbye

And kissed you one last time.

Everyone saw the tears in my eyes

They watched me suffer

Unable to take my pain away

Why did you leave? Why did you have to go?

You left me without saying goodbye

I was just a child, why did you have to go?

You promised me you would never leave my side

But you broke your promise the night you left without saying goodbye.

I was just a child, why did you have to go?

You were supposed to protect me

You were supposed to love me

You were supposed to tuck me in at nights

But when I woke up, I was all alone.

I know this was not your wish

And you would cry if you knew I was this sad

But you are not here and yes I am very sad

How could you leave me like this?

I was just a child, your baby, and your one last child.

You left me to the vipers of this world

Some treated me unkind, while others fought for me

Some abandoned me, while others cared for me.

Some abused me, while others prayed for me

But where were you to protect me? You left me all alone

I was just a child why did you have to leave me behind?

Now I am an adult with children of my own

And as I dry the tears from my babies’ eyes

I wish you were here to dry my eyes

A million times I needed you, a million times I cried

Why did you leave me? You did not say goodbye

It hurts more now that I am a parent and not having you by my side.

My babies have no grams of their own because daddy has left me too

I am twice alone with no one to call my own

Why does everyone keep leaving me?

I am so tired of being alone

But I still love you both because I know God is in control.

“The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.” “I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread.” Psalms 37:23-25

I will always love you, mom and dad…