“By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established.” “Through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.” Proverbs 24:3-4
Five months after getting married, my husband and I conceived our first child, but nine weeks into my pregnancy I had a miscarriage. We didn’t waste much time because the following month after my miscarriage, I was pregnant with our second child. Our marriage was strong and we had a consistent prayer life, as we perceived it. But a few months after giving birth, we relocated to Florida for my husband’s new job. A mere few days after “settling” into our new home he began working. I was left to do all the unpacking, cleaning, organizing etc. while caring for our four (4) month old baby. I was overwhelmed, miserable, frustrated, and tired. And every time I attempted to communicate how I was feeling we would get into an argument, and before I knew it we weren’t talking about the “elephant in the room” any longer because “peace” was more important than the actual reality. The silent frustration began to grow and before I knew it our prayer life also began to suffer as well.
After about six months of living in our new home my husband came home one evening and said we were moving again. It was then that I realized I needed a way to cope so that I didn’t grow resentful of my husband’s “lack of sensitivity.” I knew and I understood that some things were out of his control due to the nature of his job. But I didn’t think that he was compassionate about my plight. And from there, I watched myself evolve into the wife I never thought or wanted to be-the complaining wife. I found myself hating the very job that provided for us. I hated the long hours he worked. Everything he did bothered me. I was out of control and I knew I needed to get a grip of myself. One day as I was complaining in my head, the Holy Spirit impressed upon my heart that if I prayed for my husband as much as I complained about him, both of our lives would be so much better! I was angry. Why do I have to be the one to pray for him? But I quickly learned that praying for my husband was much more effective than complaining.
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” Matthew 7:7-8
It was then that I made the commitment to God that I would pray for my husband even when I did not want to. When I didn’t feel like it. When I was angry with him or even if my personal prayer life wasn’t where it needed to be. That was four years ago. I have stayed true to that commitment. But it hasn’t been easy and I will admit that there were times when I did not want to pray for him; times when I wanted him to experience hardship so that he could learn; times when I grew impatient and felt it was a waste of my time because I didn’t see any changes. I know it sounds awful, but it is true.
Today, my husband is a better man. Today he is a better and more hands on dad. Today, he is a better husband because I prayed and still pray for him even when I don’t want to. I am not trying to take credit for the changes God has wrought in him, but I am saying prayers do work. We still have a lot of growing to do but it is important to celebrate the small victories because the things that still need improvement can distract us. It is important to celebrate the small victories so that we can give hope to others. And it is even more important to celebrate the small victories so that we can remember to glorify God when we are tested and experience challenges in the future. But even more importantly, we have to celebrate the small victories as a way of sharing God’s redeeming love with others.
“They, without a word, may be won over by the behavior of their wives. 1 Peter 3:1-2
I am thankful I did not give up when I didn’t see any progress, because those were probably the times when he was struggling the most, and in need of me to lift him up to the Lord because he was too weak to do it himself. I am thankful I didn’t stop praying because by praying for my husband I too was changed. And the most important lesson I learned is that, wives who submit themselves to Lord can have the power to change their husbands and the atmosphere of their home.
So let us “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 and “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9
